Thursday, February 24, 2011

There are still some good single men left in this world.

I've heard this often by so many women.  Where are all of the good single men at, and do any even exist?  There is a counterpart here as well, with us guys wondering the same thing about women.

I can attest through my own personal experience.  I'm considered one of the good ones, and hearing those comments, typically is preceded with their life stories, all talking about huge mistakes they made in the past, typically divorced for no good reason, typically, playing the field, and I'm going, why on earth would I want to become part of that long list of past, and I know full well, I'll be paying for the residual of it.  More so, why should I have to settle for damaged used goods when I myself have not slept around all over the place, have not been married before, nor have children I have to cater to myself also.

The fact remains, the vast majority of women "and men' that complain they can't find the good one, is because they aren't themselves deserving of the good ones, to ask someone that's taken care of how they have behaved in their lives, and asking them to be yolked to you is unrealistic.  Sure, there are many that will settle, they will put up with someone that's just not up to par to their own personal standards, physically, emotionally, spirtually, but they always end up miserable in the process.  In a relationship like that, one or both parties eventually numb out on each other, for they were never compatable in the first place, and it always works itself in the end, no matter how many sparks ignight in the beginning, it always has to come out in the wash.

We then have to take a look at exactly, what defines a good man.  Many women have dilusions with some check list, a set of rules the many has to abide by, and  he's also supposed to be a mind reader.  The reality is, if they get exactly what's on that list, they find out it's not what they really wanted, so that so called ideal, is in fact, the opposite of what they really desire., they merely have not grown up enough to realize it yet.  I love the ones that say, well, he must never drink, then complain since the prohibitionists tend to remain rather uptight.  The say, he must have this ultra steady job and income, never should it ever sway, and this translates to he's going to pay all of the bills, now with her's included at all times no matter what.  Well, this also pushes a guy into the boring category, even insecure if he's never ventured out in the career world and taken chances.  Sure, you'll have that steady income coming in, but do you think he works all of this time, just to support some person he has never met yet?  If this is also at the top of your list, you are going to be let down, for you will not get the security you desire, but you may get the subjugation that results within it, especially if he's a power player, where you will take the back seat to his work.

More on that typical female list of wants, that most women think they want at least, but it's not what they should be desiring.  Conversation, being able to talk to each other, guys, the good ones, have things of substance to discuss, there is only so much small talk that can go on before we become bored.  If you find yourself with free time, go read a book, check out the news, get involved with hobbies, do the same things we ourselves have found time for, and you are bringing onto the table something substantial to share.  I used to be rather interverted, not that my interests were not diverse, but I spent a great deal of my life pursuing many different ideas, concepts, studies, hobbies, etc. Before I even contemplate going out on a date with a gal, I want to talk to her on the phone at length.  If I have to carry the conversation, the date will never happen, no matter how good looking she is, if she is boring in conversation, there will never be anything long term that could result, so why bother wasting each others times. There are good guys out there that aren't very diverse, at least good on the basic levels, but I don't classify them as good men, but merely the average Joe.

You see where things backfire here, we are all told to improve ourselves, to bring more onto the table, and I myself, have done that extensively, only to find myself being more picky with who I get involved with, not picky in the looks department, but in personality and integrity aspects.  At the same time though, myself as well as most good guys are pretty versatile and can appreciate women of all walks of life, all types, as long as their heart is in the right place, and areas they lack, are made up in others, things can work out.  There are those rare breed of us that want to full package and aren't going to settle, for we have already tried the settling game and we know that is not how we choose to live our our lives.

I can go on and on about this, but it really comes down to you gals first, deciding if you are right for a good man, or if you should be more realistic and find someone with your own similar background, experience, issues, mistakes, and lack of understanding of things in general of this world and beyond.  Be equally yolked, and you are going to be happiest.  Women that have not placed any attention on what I'm talking about, that think they can get by with just their looks, the harsh reality of it all, it doesn't work that way, eventually you will have to get with the program or settle with a jerk that will bore you to death and you won't be too fond of, but stuck with him for life, or a series of just like him for life.

What impresses me, honestly, is just that, honesty, and I want to see what she's actually doing for other people, this tells me she's not self centered, even if it's praying for others, anything that shows me she's not all about just her and her issues make huge points.  I can work with her on the conversation, as in exposing her to some of the things in my world, but the first takes priority.  Same thing with us guys here, a good man will have more on his plate then just his own personal agenda's.  Good men also don't just fluff up their women, giving them empty insincere praises and compliments.  I know you gals live on that stuff, but it should not be necessary, you are sending a message to us to tell us to lie to you or else you will ignore us.  "Do you want a relationship that's based upon and started up with a lie"?  What I find far too often, the gal will start out painting a pretty picture to me, then down the road I find out the ugly truth, and women think that they can lead you in, get you all emotionally hooked, and then tell you the truth and you won't exit the relationship.  If a guy has any sense of integrity and inner strength, he'll read these red flags and go away, he's been lied to from the beginning, and if she can lie about this, what's to say more lies will not be on the agenda in the future. 

You see the importance of honesty here, and why the good guys are overlooked, and you are also seeing a definition of what good men are, how they react, and do, as opposed to the rest of them.  If I didn't have a heart, I could get a date every single day of the week, all based upon a lie, and I've known this for years.  A good man will have a big problem with it, we just don't play that game at all.

I have to move onto the next section here.  I could easily turn this blog into a book, but I planned upon keeping this just as a simple blog, not a book.  The next aspect we are looking at is that ideal most women grow up to seek out, only to lose that dream, and that's finding that white knight in shining armor.  Well, we very much do exist, but we've rescued too many fake damsels in distress.  The gals that are players, that have done their very best to destroy our own ideals, as in we seek out that damsel in distress, or the princess that we defend with our lives, has been ruined especially in western cultures.  The knights are still there, but they aren't as naive as before, they are in fact, gun-shy about it all, they have been lied to, deceived, and hold a great deal of reservation before revealing that side of their being.  They have had to learn this through many sorrow's and it's a painful lesson to learn.  You know that guy that trips over himself, attempting to mutter out a word or to, or offer some nice gesture, that's the knight shining through and that tendacy has been suppressed from any kind of use, so it all comes out at once, and he stumbles upon his armor in the process. 

I used to be that same guy, but now, hold a great deal more reservation, it's through life experience where I go, hold off, check to see if this one is legit, or merely posing as a damsel, and this goes back to that conversation element, and honesty, damsel in distress merely because she has never had a good man in her life verses damsel in distress because she crapped out on a good man in her life are two different things you know.  Adding onto this one, the princess needs to be of pure heart and just, she needs to actually back up her man in every area, he's not what I've recently heard termed as a "manslave", he's your knight, support him in full and he will do likewise.

Where are we at, where do we hang out at, and how do you find us?  That's relative to each guy, just as it is with each gal, at least the good ones.  We are NOT at the bars and clubs, you will typically find us at the grocery store, in the work place, some times at church, but never in the meat factories.  If he's a good man, or woman, they will have no desire to be in the bars and clubs, those places have nothing to offer us, the environment, the atmosphere, all of it is for the lowest common denominator.  Some of us may pop into those places, just because there are no formal meeting places, but rarely do we mesh with the people in them.  Personally, I am a very good dancer, but honestly, I don't like to dance with skanks, which is what most of the women in those places are.  I know, this is going to get a lot of feedback, but are you doing a "girls night out in these places"  or is this your hang out, and looking around, what it is in reality is merely people trying to connect, flirting, and all centered around booze and sex.  The bars and clubs are empty places and except for the very upscale ones, only promote promiscuity and depravity.  They have the added bonus of alure for the good men to get sucked into, warping them into no longer being good, but being just like the rest of the players., Many good men started out being good, lost their integrity by allowing themselves to be yolked with that crowd.  Guys, I know it's hard to get exposure, but you don't want "that" kind of exposure, you have a reputation to maintain if anything else, and the last thing you want to be seen is in the bars and clubs due to that., The women there aren't of your caliber, nor cut from the same cloth, so save yourself a lot of heartache and stay away from those places.

Now, girls, if you want to know where we are at, remember those hobbies I talked to you about, it's getting into them that you are going to find other like minded people, guys included.  If you are into the church scene, visit many churches, evening services as well, and take note in particular if you see a guy attending that's not with his "possie", he's there for the Lord, and that's an extremely good sign he's a good man.  You also have to shop for groceries, when you are in the isles, look around, a guy shopping by himself, typically is single, and we shop differently then you gals, we are wanting to get in, get out, and call it good.  Any amount of conversation you can spark up, even if it's just talking about some product or asking him for an opinion on something on the shelf, that's all it takes to break the ice. 

More along communication I have to bring up here as well. The big mistakes I see women make are using key phrases or body language, expecting us to figure out they want to strike up a conversation.  I've been learning these more and more, and there are many women that use them not to strike up a conversion, but to see if they can get a reaction and once they do, their cruel little test is over with and they ignore us if we respond.  It's cruel, it's also showing their sense of inadequacy, for they are using them to test to see if they "still" have it, even though they are not even single.  Don't expect us to even know these signals, asking for a light, to us means you don't have a lighter, nothing more, flipping your hair to us means it has gotten in your way, most of us don't know it means you find us attractive.  I used to have long hair, I know it's not for re-establishing it's placement, lol., So don't use that excuse.  A smile is something as well, clearly us guys should not have a problem with, eye contact as well, and trust me, I've had entire conversations sharing those alone with gals here, but guys, if you are getting them and the eye contact lasts for more then 4 seconds, and you don't say Hi or something, it's your own darn fault for not breaking the ice, it's the same thing with them as saying hello, you might as well say it back, and hopefully you don't play the deer caught in the headlights and start to stumble on your armor. lol.

Guys at the same time, consider this, where are the venues for the good gals to find us beyond this?  If you are out there taking action, not just merely going through the process, anything and everything to show who you are, chances are high, someone good is going to reach you. If you lack imagination, there are places to volunteer for doing charity work.  How many of these "guys" that hit the clubs and bars spend time visiting the elderly in the retirement homes?  None!, Same thing with you good gals.  You hit the meat market, well, you get swamped with guys, but they aren't quality guys, either you conform to the twisted ideals there, or you get out there and take the same advice I gave the guys.  We are out there, but we don't have a formal place to really connect as of yet, but trust me, this entrepreneur is working on it and some day the solution may come to me.

Back to the basics here, and making this quite clear.  There are players and non players, the two never mix well, always in each case, it results in tragedy, and I learned this at the age of 40.  Do NOT even bother trying to mix the two, always know they have nothing in common and the end result always leads to heartache for the non players. 

Those of you that have maintained their purity, that have not compromised, or have been sheltered from having to, consider it to your benefit.  Each person you sleep around with is that much more baggage that you will carry around with you to the rest of your life.  Never cut yourself down because you have not played the field, and age is totally irrelevant.  I'm personally far better yolked in this department with a gal half of my age, and believe me, I get plenty of looks from women that age and below., It's an ego boost to some degree, but at the same time, it's about how you feel, in your mind, heart, soul, and body that counts more the chronological age.  I know people my age that appear to be my elder by far, others younger then me, same scenereo, and ultimately, I've waited a very long time for the right one, those years in themselves hold merit unto itself.  How many people do you know are willing not to settle or compromise for something good, and are willing to stick it out, for something that's supposed to be precious?  I look into the youth these days and think, they just came into adult hood, they are just starting out, they don't really know nor appreciate how some of us have not found the right match, have put into account everything we can to improve ourselves, to have something substantial to offer the right one.  We being older  have more to offer in this regards then to the younger ones counterparts, so don't rule out the age factor, but just make sure you are doing so within reason as in, not entirely based upon physical attraction.

Adding onto this as well, there are some very good women at any age, including in the 30's, 40's, and 50's plus that have widowed, as well as there are many widowers that have been devout to their spouse, these tend to be good men and women, and they too are out there, not to be ignored over overlooked, not at all did they screw up their lives or thrown out someone that was truly good for them.  Don't lose hope, all I have to say in this regard, for there are many of them as well.

I hope you enjoyed this blog.  I hope it gives some readers insight and answers the question, where are all of the good men at.  We are NOT all married off, we are not living in some far off country, and that ideal you gals grew up with does exist, and now you know a bit more about who we are and where you can find us and how you can approach us as well.

God bless you, and may you find the Love in this world you have always been seeking.